I had last seen her a few months before when our family got together for lunch one weekend. I knew she didn’t feel well. I also knew she lit up when she was holding her niece’s baby girl at the table. What I didn’t know is that was the last time I would see her. I wish I had hugged her harder and longer. I wish I had asked more questions. I hope I told her I loved her, but now I don’t remember.

When Pam was in her late teens and early 20’s, I was an adolescent who thought it was cool to hang out with the older kids. What was even cooler is that she let me and I never felt out of place. I remember spending 2 weeks with her and her family one summer. Pam was taking care of a deaf girl about my age during the day. I went everywhere with them. Pam told me that if I wanted to communicate with the girl, I’d have to learn sign language. So, I did- quickly! Pam would drive us girls around with the windows down and Journey songs blaring. She was always smiling. She would teach me how to put on makeup and I would watch her get ready to go on dates or out with friends. I admired her.

I once went to the lake with Pam, her siblings and parents. We spent what felt like hours jumping off a dock and every once in a while, Pam and the other kids would tell me to “dig for clams.” I would dive in and pick up two handfuls of lake “clay” at a time. Now, I’m not sure there were really any clams at all.

I was a bridesmaid in her first wedding. I remember very clearly those Emerald Green dresses with the poofy sleeves (it was the late 80’s so our bangs matched the sleeves too!) and the peach accents. Her mom had made us barrettes with flowers of the same colors. I actually kept that thing for years. I remember all the hustle and bustle before the wedding and that I helped make what seem like hundreds of packets of bird-seed tied in chiffon. Pam toted me around like her shadow to pick up all the last minute items. I was the youngest bridesmaid, but felt like the most special.

I also remember that she was featured on a local billboard once after graduation, in her cap and gown. She was stunning. My family drove by it a couple of times and I would look up in awe thinking, “That’s my cousin, Pam. She’s beautiful. ” I also thought she must have been famous!

As the years went on and we got older, our day-to-day lives got in the way of us hanging out like we did when there was really nothing else for us to worry about. She got divorced, married again and had two kids. I was busy with college and then I moved far away for a while. I kept up with her and her children through our mothers who have been close to each other since they were young. Needless to say, I missed out on a lot, mostly watching her children grow up.

In the last several years since I moved back to North Carolina and Pam started feeling ill (without a diagnosis), I feel I got to know her again. She was there nearly every time I went to visit my grandmother who’s in a nursing home in the same city where most of my mother’s family lives. She had this way of listening to a conversation, not saying much and then cracking a joke. Often, her “jokes” were her way of adding something quite profound to the conversation. Her smile and laugh were contagious and unique in a way that’s difficult to put into words. I just know I won’t forget it. She was kind and I think probably brighter than she ever made herself out to be. She didn’t brag, but she didn’t need to.

I know that so many people had such wonderful memories of her. I’m not the only one for sure. I’m told that many people who loved her pitched in to help with her funeral and burial expenses. I cannot imagine the pain that those who were very close to her are feeling.

It hasn’t been very long since her passing, but I still feel an empty pit in my stomach. When it’s quiet, especially as I’m going to sleep or waking up, I just cry. Not for her, because her pain is gone, but for me and the people close to me who are missing her. I had just always imagined we’d be sitting around some table when we were older (like our parents do); drinking coffee, talking, and laughing.

Pam’s memorial service was fitting, I thought. Her children (God bless them), nieces and nephews all stood up at the podium to read letters they had written to her. There were songs, tears and even smiles. My mom, her sister and another cousin had the great honor of putting together some picture collages of Pam and her immediate family. I had the honor of placing one of the pictures they had framed of her beside her casket. I think Pam would have been pleased with it all.

Writing all this is very cathartic, but that’s not the only reason I’m doing it. I’m doing it because I want anyone who meets me or knows me to see how things are going to be. I’m doing it because ever since I found out Pam was never going to leave that hospital, I decided that this life is indeed too short.

At the same time I was grieving and thinking about how stupid it is to work so much, a friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to an article writing by Bronnie Ware, a nurse who worked for years with patients who had gone home to die. Ware wrote about the 5 things she’d seen people regret the most in their lives. It echoed what I’d been thinking myself. In short, here they are:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I try to stay true to myself, but now I’m really going to try and focus on what it is I really want in life. I don’t want to spend another moment with anyone who doesn’t make the kind of impression my cousin Pam did on this Earth. I mean that for both business and personal relationships.

I do work too hard and I’ll probably continue to do so, but not at the expense of my own well-being or missing out on something that really means something to me. I’ve decided where my real estate career is concerned that instead of spending hours trying to call potential clients and leads (who might not ever use me as their Realtor anyway), I’m going to start calling my friends and family and catching up. I am a perfectly capable and caring Realtor, but I will now spend my professional time with those who tell me they want me to be their Realtor and mean it. I’m done trying to convince people of all the reasons they should choose me. If you do choose me, I will expect you to understand I have another full- time job. It’s a job doing the only other thing I am passionate about, writing television news. I didn’t dream of selling houses when I was a child, but I did dream of being in a newsroom. I never won an Emmy, but at least I am still partially honoring that dream.

Though I am sad at times, I do choose happiness. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect or that I will be. Pam wasn’t perfect. No one is perfect.

So, dear Pam, thank you. Dear me, I hope to make you a life with little regret. And dear everyone else, I hope I will make a good impression- maybe even an impact- on you. If I don’t then I’m truly sorry. I hope you can understand that I’m going to make decisions that are good for me and those I care about. I try not to hurt people, but sometimes I do. I try not to mess up, but sometimes I do. Try not to judge me, but if you do, that’s okay too. Goodbye, Pam. Hello, Life.

Carrie

   For the first time since I have lived in Raleigh, I will be seeing Ira David Wood III’s, A Christmas Carol.  It’s playing now at the Progress Energy Center.  I’m so excited to finally see one of the greatest holiday traditions in our area.  You can still get tickets here!

  We have a lot of other holiday traditions too!   Today is the last opportunity to go on the Historic Oakwood Candlelight Tour.  11 homes are on tour.  It starts at 1:00pm and lasts until 7pm.

  WinterFest kicked off last weekend and lasts through January 29th.  This is set up on Fayetteville Street and features an outdoor ice skating rink.  On Dec. 18th, WinterFest will host Sledding Sunday!   Don’t forget to check it out after dark, because the tree is lit, too!

  There is so much to enjoy this holiday season in Raleigh!  Check for other events, including shopping extravaganzas, here!  I hope you enjoy spending time with friends and family through the end of this year, wherever you are!  And here’s to a prosperous 2012! 

I have a few rebuttals:

1. Think about this for a minute- my check goes up about $100 for every $10,000 increment the buyer spends. And quite honestly, I had to calculate that for this post because that’s how little I think about it. Who knew, I really care about my clients getting the right house at the right price?

2. How am I supposed to help you find the house that best meets your criteria if you are not honest with me about what you are willing to (and by the way are APPROVED) to pay for? I know everyone wants a deal, but they want certain things that may only be available in certain price points. Let me also point out that for every $10,000 more you finance- that increases your monthly payment by approximately $50 (if interest rates remain the same from one calculation to the next.)

3. It has never even occurred to me to “get” one of my clients by selling them on a home at maximum price. There are a lot of things I think about- is maximum price a “deal?” Well, maybe and maybe not. That’s why I do a market analysis on each home a client is considering. Is the house overpriced and will it appraise? Unless you have cash, you won’t be buying the house if it doesn’t appraise.

Here’s the part that gets me, especially where buyers are concerned. I know you are smart. I know you have done your research. I know you have read articles on how to “reverse sell” your agent and outsmart them.

I also know the average person sells/buys 4 homes in a lifetime. Most full-time agents are engaged in the purchase or selling of a home 4 times a month. And, in North Carolina, the seller pays the buyer’s agent commission. So, the expert advice of a a buyer’s agent is essentially free to you!

Not every agent or salesperson is out to get you. Some of them truly do care about your life’s biggest dreams. Some agents actually even want to be your friend, despite what the app article I read says, “they are NOT your friend.”

But, this is what I do for a living. Just as you go to work and get a check for the work you have done. The difference is, I don’t get paid to show you houses or drive you around. I get paid when you buy one.  And as long as you are honest with me about what you want and can afford- I’m in in it for the long haul- as many of my clients can attest.  So, when I ask you about your price ranged whether you have talked to an agent, it’s so I can help BOTH of us. Oh, and I’ll answer any questions you have- day or night or on the weekends- for FREE! And I always try to do the right thing.

There are tons of things to do this Halloween in the Triangle area!  If you like ghosts, try the Raleigh Haunted Footsteps Ghost Tour.  This is a family-friendly event.  If you are sans kids and looking for ghosts, try the Ghost Tour/Pub Crawl with Tobacco Road Tours .  I did this a couple of weeks ago and it was awesome.  Tell ‘em I sent you!  You can also hunt ghosts by participating in the Annual Haunted Mordecai Festival.

If you want to go on an adventure, try these: McKee Cornfield Maze Two-acre children’s maze and 12-acre family maze. The big maze has approximately 4-miles of labyrinth pathways. Pumpkin patch. Fridays 3-8pm; Saturdays 10 a.m. -8 p.m.; Sundays 1-7 p.m. The Haunted Trail and Cornfield Maze occurs October 22,23,29,30 and 31. Check McKee Cornfield Maze for times for the Haunted Trail and Maze. Cedar Creek Farm is located 15 miles from Durham, North Carolina; in Northern Orange County off of Highway 57 on Kiger Rd.  Ken’s Korny Corn Maze Two and a half mile corn maze. Rope maze. Hay rides. Haunted Corn Maze October 15,16, 22,23, 29,30,31. $17 admission to haunted maze. Check website for haunted corn maze discounts. Hwy. 50, South Garner.

There will be trick-or-treating at Triangle Town Center and Cary CrossRoads.

And there are plenty of party for the big kids, too.  Costume contests will be held at Napper Tandy’s Irish Pub on West Street in Raleigh and Tir Na Nog Irish Pub on Blount Street.

Have a safe and Happy Halloween everyone!

This is great! First stop Isaac Hunter’s Tavern on Fayetteville. Lots of good Raleigh ghost stories!

The NC State Fair is underway in Raleigh! What am I going to eat? Fried Oreos, cheesesteak, funnel cake, corn dog, fried bubblegum? Yes!! Great weather too!

Raleigh is America’s BEST city according to Bloomberg’s Business Week!  This includes surrounding areas too!  Check it out!

The article lets you check home equity rates, too!  Remember to call me if you are relocating or need to buy or sell a home in Raleigh!

Carrie Pitts Surti

Coldwell Banker HPW

Relocation Specialist/ Short Sale and Foreclosure Resource

919-389-6676

This is an interesting article written by my former NBC 17 colleague Jen Wig for the Raleigh Public Record.   She talks about changes to downtown Raleigh neighborhoods and how people who live there and are moving there feel about that.  It features my clients who renovated the home on Camden Street using a 203 k loan.  Enjoy!

http://www.raleighpublicrecord.org/news/2011/09/14/e-raleigh-changes-elicit-mixed-feelings/

Just heavy wind and rain here in Raleigh from Irene.  But sadly, there are some reports of people dead and missing in NC and Virginia.  And there are LOTS of people without power.  Irene is hangin out for a while, too.  Stay safe if you are in her direct path!

Here are some pictures I snapped as she made her way across the Triangle: